Can You Be Honest?

Do you need a mask to speak your truths?

I have some of my most honest conversations with women I’ve met in a just by chance meeting in a public ladies room. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about the anonymity of talking to a stranger who you can reasonably assume you will never meet again.

Oscar Wilde said that …”give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth”. Well, of course Wilde was using “he” as a universal statement about humanity. Or was he actually describing both men and women?

Are women different in their personal communication with other women? It turns out that the answer is “YES”. Debra Tanen, PhD. explains that women’s use of language is more generally used towards finding commonality, whereas men’s communication is to set relative positions of dominance.

That’s always been something that has bothered me: Men teasing! Men teasing women, and men teasing other men! How annoying! I think and feel that teasing is hidden aggression. Disguising the truth, by saying, “I was only kidding”.

So back to honesty. Are you able to express your vulnerabilities? Do you need to be anonymous to admit to being less than perfect? It’s stressful to have to be perfect. Perhaps by feeling that you can admit to that fact that you are not ideal in every category, you will indeed feel less pressure to be perfect. And you will find, when others hear you admit to your limitations, that they actually feel closer to you; because it’s the same for them. So many people are wearing a mask, trying to be someone who they are not, and missing the opportunity to really connect with other.

Take off your mask. Speak your truths and feel how admitting to being less than perfect actually frees you. Wearing a mask is stressful and constricting. We are all a work in progress, and perfect the way we are in our imperfection.